


Never Doubt That I Care For You

by TheSightlessSniper



Series: Recovery [1]
Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Angst, Ciel Knows The Words 'Thank You', Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Female Pronouns for Grell Sutcliff, Gen, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Nightmares, Non-Explicit, Platonic OR Pre-Slash, Rape Aftermath, Rape Recovery, Recovery, Sebastian Might Have A Heart, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-20
Updated: 2016-05-20
Packaged: 2018-06-09 16:34:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6914830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheSightlessSniper/pseuds/TheSightlessSniper
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It should have been delicious. The corrupting effect of the boy’s terror should have fragrantly radiated from him from the inside of his soul outwards, arousing forbidden thoughts from the butler and tantalising him to take a premature bite from his soul just to whet his appetite for the future.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never Doubt That I Care For You

**Author's Note:**

> The only underage!Ciel fic I will ever write. Non-explicit references to rape committed by an outside party.
> 
> Not original in any sense of the word, just my own spin on the old trope.

Sebastian felt completely useless.

‘My lord…’ He reached a hand towards the shaking form on the small couch, inwardly wincing when Ciel curled even tighter in on himself, ‘Please, my lord. You must let me tend to your wounds.’

‘They-‘ a ragged sob left Ciel’s lips.

He’d gotten there just seconds too late, unable to stop it happening. The hunters were ruthless; anti-detection spells lined the walls, the room was sprayed with a million different smells to stop him from sniffing the boy out, and Ciel had been put at the centre of a demon trap designed to kill whatever hell-beast decided to try and cross it. He’d barely been able to find Ciel at all, and if he hadn’t have run into Grell on her way to reap a soul nearby, no doubt that the boy would be comatose with trauma.

The sight of the beast that had begun to violate his master had disgusted him, and even Grell had shown mercy; she had crossed over the trap and flung the rapist into the wall, plunging her chainsaw scythe into him and ending his life instantly. The note in the column for that death - premature reaping, see external report. She would get flack from William, but for once, he was sure she would take it in her stride, and she was sure that William would understand her reasoning.

Ciel hadn’t let Sebastian carry him back to the mansion. When the demon had approached to lift him into his arms, the young man had yelled, struck out, screamed in protest, and Sebastian could only watch as the redhead reaper was the only one who could reach out to him without him flailing to avoid it. Ciel had clutched onto her front, mistaking her for his aunt for a brief second, and she had soothed him the best she could as they made their way back to the Phantomhive Estate.

The boy was in physical pain; his arms and legs were striped with lashes from a thin whip or switch, slashed with a knife where the skin was thicker. The white shirt and blue shorts were stained with droplets of blood where it met his bottom and thighs; a sign of the sheer brutality of the hunter’s actions and that the animal had not thought of the boy’s comfort in the slightest.

Suddenly it was all the demon could do not to grab the young man before him and cradle him to his chest, to kiss his tears away and stroke down those soft cheeks with the backs of his fingers. ‘My lord…please. Let me run you a bath-‘

‘NO.’

‘I do not tell lies. I will not harm you-‘

‘NO! Please! NO!’ He shrieked, then descended into another wave of tears.

He wanted to mercilessly break the bones of the man who had done this. He wanted to bring the brute back to make him experience the pain of his demise over and over until he begged for mercy…and then continue the torture. Nobody could hurt his master without consequence, and he only wished that the consequences had been longer and more drawn out.

Mey-Rin entered the room quietly without knocking, holding a cup of warm milk with honey. In a record feat, she managed to cross the room without spilling a drop or dropping the item in her hands. She stepped close to the young master’s shaking form, and began murmuring in a language Sebastian didn’t recognise. It was soothing, almost a humming, and he realised she must have been speaking in her native Chinese dialect; a foreign lullaby where the words did not matter.

She finished, and Ciel finally looked up. His eyepatch was gone, but it was not the priority; in the dark room, nothing of the contract could be seen. She gradually reached a hand to Ciel’s cheek. ‘My lord, please let Sebastian take care of you. You’re hurt, and he can help.’

Sebastian wasn’t sure if she meant physically or mentally, but whichever sense she meant, it worked. Ciel gradually unfurled with an agonised wince, taking the warm milk and sipping it carefully. He finished it quickly, then passed the glass back with shaking hands. ‘…thank you.’

It was timid, and words neither of them had heard from him before. Mey-Rin’s kind face broke into a small smile, and she rubbed one cheek affectionately before standing. ’You’re welcome, my lord.’ She left, and suddenly they were alone again.

The room was still. Ciel’s breaths echoed louder than any words, and he stared into the distance. Sebastian was sure he knew that he was being observed, but the boy seemed reluctant to do anything to stop it.

The room was near-silent for hours before it was broken.

‘Sebastian.’

The butler watched as his master turned to face him, chest clenching as he stared back into broken eyes. They were bloodshot with tears, rubbed raw and red, and through the thin veil of his irises, the demon could see the torment radiating from the inside of his mind.

It should have been delicious. The corrupting effect of the boy’s terror should have fragrantly radiated from him from the inside of his soul outwards, arousing forbidden thoughts from the butler and tantalising him to take a premature bite from his soul just to whet his appetite for the future.

Instead, he ached with questions he couldn’t vocalise, and felt sickened by the hunter’s actions. How dare they touch his master with their filthy hands? What gave them the right to force themselves on such a beautiful creature? Why was tasting his soul now the last thing on his mind? How much more would the boy have to deal with? How much more could he take before he broke completely?

And why did he truly care?

Mind racing over the unvocalised, Sebastian moved hesitantly closer. ‘My lord.’

‘…I’ll take that bath now, Sebastian.’

‘My lord, I will not hurt-‘

‘I know.’

The two words spoke a thousand, and the small, bruised hand that reached for his own gloved one screamed a thousand more. It was a tentative trust that hadn’t been severed by recent events, and one that Sebastian refused to damage if he could help it.

 

Despite knowing that Sebastian would not bring him to harm, he flinched as the soaped cloth was pressed to his shoulder to scrub at his wounds.

Sebastian had been gentler than he could comprehend. The bath had been poured with a mix of lavender, chamomile, and vanilla; all aimed to somehow calm his damaged mind in some way, even if they couldn’t. He appreciated Sebastian’s gesture though.

The butler had been so very careful with him. The demon had seen him bare before, but turned away as he made to strip the last layer of his clothing and sink into the water. He tried not to move out of his sight wherever possible, allowing him to watch every deliberately calculated movement as he stripped away the filth of the place he had been held. Dirt flooded the water, dried blood flaking away and joining it, and soon, his skin was clean.

Sebastian’s contract hand threaded gradually with his own. ‘My lord, I need to check to make sure that beast didn’t do any lasting damage to your body. Would you like me to bring Mey-Rin back to sit with you while I do so?’

Tears he refused to let fall gathered, and he shook his head. ‘No. I’ll be fine.’

Sebastian’s inspection was quick, but ever gentle. There was no lasting damage, but he would be in pain for a few days.

The demon hadn’t moved from his sightline since before the bath. Every touch was accompanied by a questioning look, silently asking whether what he intended was alright to proceed with. Ciel hadn’t felt the urge to refuse him yet, but a twinge of terror wracked him every time the white gloves reached for him. Sebastian was treating him like he was made of the most fragile of porcelain, as if one wrong touch would cause him to splinter and shatter into a million pieces.

‘My lord, you should at least try to sleep.’ The voice broke him from a brief reverie, and his eyes flicked to meet softened red eyes. Sebastian’s gaze was not unlike one he would give to a kitten, but with much restraint.

The idea of being alone with his thoughts was horrifying. He could still feel his rapist’s hands clawing at him. He could still smell his foul breath drifting over the back of his neck and seeping into his nostrils. He could still feel the ache of penetration in his lower half, as if the disgusting man was still moving within him.

Many things had raced through his mind in that moment; as the brute had pushed inside, his mind had flashed up images he couldn’t force back…all of them of Sebastian. The butler laughing at him, beating him and tearing into him, calling him pathetic, yelling that he was weak and unworthy, unclean and impure…the butler turning to the horizon and walking away from him forever, leaving him helpless to the hunter’s sickening power play.

His mind had told him a hundred different things, and all of them had been revealed as lies as he’d watched Sebastian crash through the door with Grell at his side, panic and unrelenting fury evident as he saw Ciel’s position in the trap.

Whether out of some kind of affection, or through contractual obligation, Sebastian had come for him. He had searched for him despite the concealing enchantments, endangered himself again and again to come and rescue him. The demon was his saviour many times over and here he was again…trying to save him from his own mind.

He reached for Sebastian’s arm and gripped it tightly, nails digging in as if the demon would fade away if he let go. ‘Don’t leave me. Don’t leave me alone. Don’t leave me alone.’

‘Never, my lord.’

‘Please stay with me.’

‘Always.’

 

His sleep was fitful and full of nightmares he thought he’d never have anymore, accompanied by new horrors. The minute his dreams became coherent, everything around him would twist and contort…and he’d be back on the floor of the room, in the trap, the beast moving in and out of his body. He’d still smell it, hear the mocking laughter and vulgar calls, and he would awake in tears, begging for mercy.

And Sebastian was there every time, voice soothing, eyes soft and sorrowful as he did his best to calm him without laying his hands on him.

As the sun rose, Ciel awoke from another horrifying dream, and that time, he reached for Sebastian without hesitation. Face crushed into the demon’s chest, something rich, woody and earthy reached his nose. It was intoxicating, addictive, warm…nothing like the room and the filthy stench that had emanated from within its walls. ‘They won’t stop! They won’t stop!’ He howled, voice muffled by the butler’s jacket.

Arms gradually crept around him, and he flinched at first. His head shot up, ready to scream again, when Sebastian’s face came into view.

He could see every lash framing his eyes. He could make out the tiny freckles that the demon had given himself peppering his nose, and the delicate creases around his eyes that gave the illusion the demon was a man approaching his late twenties. The vermillion irises, the high cheekbones and defined jaw…the epitome of masculine beauty.

For a moment, he had found a reprieve from his tormentors in the demon’s face.

Sebastian’s arms tentatively tightened around him, shuffling him higher in his arms so Ciel sat taller than him. In an effort to avoid any suggestive position, Sebastian had shifted his legs carefully so Ciel could lie across his lap. The demon was doing everything he could in their position to show him that Ciel was the one who held all the power.

This time, the touch of the butler’s hands didn’t make him recoil.

 

Sebastian was the one who flinched.

The butler stayed quiet as he was pushed slowly back to lay down on the bed. He wasn’t entirely sure it was the best idea to allow Ciel to put him into this position, but he was not going to defy his master’s wish; Ciel had already settled half-across his body, head resting on his shoulder and nose in the hollow under his throat. The young man on his chest inhaled deeply, and Sebastian couldn’t help his small relieved smile as he felt his small body relax.

A few minutes passed in silence. Ciel’s breaths became long and drawn out, and within minutes, he had fallen into a deep sleep.

The nightmares finally stayed at bay.

 

Ciel awoke from the calmest dream he’d had for the entire night; of floating through a twilight ocean of air and black feathers and blue blossom petals caressing his skin. He cared not that it was nearing noon, nor that he hadn’t eaten since before the kidnapping. All he noticed and cared about was that he was engulfed in soothing, living warmth, and the butler that was serving as his pillow was humming Bach to him and stroking his sweat-dampened locks.

The strong arms fell away as he lifted himself up, looking at a concerned face. ‘You stayed.’

‘Of course, my lord.’

‘…why?’

‘You asked me not to leave you.’

He stared down into Sebastian’s eyes. He couldn’t decode that look; it was a mix of various emotions that he had never even realised Sebastian had the capacity to feel. He could pick out guilt, fear, anger, sorrow, sympathy, caring…not a trace of pity or condescension.

He let himself slide back down to rest on his demon’s chest again. ‘Thank you.’

‘You don’t have to thank me, my lord. I was following your request.’

‘You could have left after I fell asleep, but you didn’t. You stayed for me. You were there every time I woke up.’ He tilted his face up, and gazed at Sebastian’s as it looked down at him. ‘It’s almost as if you cared for me.’

The caring he had caught in those eyes was even more earnest. One of Sebastian’s hands combed through his hair, the other drifting over his cheek before looping down to stroke the line of his jaw, and Sebastian leaned forward and touched the barest peck of a kiss to the space between his eyebrows. ‘My lord, never doubt that I care for you.’

Ciel wasn’t sure how to interpret such words. If Sebastian meant purely for his soul, then there was little to misunderstand. But if the demon meant that he cared for his person, it would create more questions than it would answer. There were many natures of caring…which one did Sebastian mean to insinuate?

He was too tired to ponder them for long. Ciel let his eyes close again, and breathed the scent of his butler’s chest in deeply. As if the demon’s skin was emanating a sleeping draught, in seconds he felt himself go drowsy once more, and in minutes he was back in a dreamless, painless sleep in Sebastian’s arms.

The nightmares would not come for him as long as Sebastian was there.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you guys thought this was alright. Made me uncomfortable, but I have wanted to write a non-explicit 'Sebastian takes Ciel's nightmares away' fic like this for a while.


End file.
